Mewingpants Products



Mewingpants-The original Mewingpants, made from the finest mewing worm silk. These pants are very popular in Europe and parts of Canada. Unfortunately the United States has banned the distribution of Mewingpants so we can’t actually sell them in the U.S.A. but we can sell them in Canada and ship them to the United States...as long as the government doesn't find out. Although there has been fire issues with Mewingpants and it is deemed more flammable then pure gasoline we suggest you be very careful with our product. Mewingpants will catch on fire if you expose them to: sunlight, wind, metal, plastic, rubber, card board, paper, cotton, wood, skin, darkness, warmness, coldness, dryness, wetness, quietness, loudness, and any thing that is made from matter.
Price: $50
Shipping and Handling: $31






Vexatious Pill- This new "Vexatious" pill that we invented in our baseme....I mean lab is one of a kind. We call our new pill "Viefrenzoditecnolizlownyte".
(Vie-frenzo-di-tec-no-liz-low-nyte)
Our pill is a Pain Reliever like other companies but ours is different. Most other pain relievers take 3 to 4 weeks to fully kick in! 3 to 4 weeks?!? That is a long time to deal with the pain. Our pill takes effect instantly (2 days). After testing this pill on thousands of lab rats we finally fixed it so they wouldn't die after taking it. The pills dose is 9550 MG per half a pill. Please do don't operate any kind of machines, pens, foods or walk after taking the pills. Its not recommended to drink any fluids after taking our pill. The pill had a couple of little side effects including: Dry mouth, itching, cancer, tumors, internal bleeding, walking disorder, slurred speech, blindness, deafness, death, hair-loss, loss of memory, dizziness, diarrhea, breathing problems and intense dreams and random erections. Theirs no reason not to try our amazing new pill! In order to take these pills you must crush them up in our special pipe and sniff them. We are not responsible for any deaths that might be involved with our pill. We have the right to sue you if you die taking our pill, its one of our agreements you make when you take the pills.
Price: $36.65
Shipping and Handling: $86.32




Diet Bottle Program- Our new remarkable Diet line is unbeatable in today's diet race. This is what our diet offers you. OK check this out, you can eat whatever you wont and whenever you wont and how much of it YOU wont! No you are not reading that wrong. Your probably saying "Totally Awesome!, wait this is to good to be true, there has to be a catch". YES, YES there is. But i'll tell you later right now i'll explain how you lose weight on this super diet in these steps. Step 1: Eat all you wont and drink our laxative. That's all! Then you let the crime fighting Pants Laxative take effect. For better results tear the sticker off that says "Only take 1 tbsp" and then drink the whole bottle. (bottle sizes are 1 gal.). Please note that if you did not eat allot of food risks are greater for dieing. These risks are enhanced by having, bad liver, long fingernails, hair, lungs or SARS. Tell your doctor if you experience any kind of shrinking or discolor in the skin. You should quit taking Pants Laxative if you have, massive diarrhea, loss of sight or illusions. Throw away if Pants Laxative smells like rotten eggs or was exposed to the air longer then 3 seconds. It is possible to die from taking this product if you don't read the directions or if you do read the directions.
Price: $24.50
Shipping and Handling: $12




Phone Service- Our new phone service lets you call people anywhere in the world and it will be the same price as a local call. Just type this simple easy to remember number before you dial:
10-10-654-912-516-840-942-7-14-85-12-99 then your area code + pin code + zip code + birthday and the number your calling and your ready to go. You can only talk for 60 seconds at a time. Meaning you call then 60 seconds later you have to hang up and call again. When you order our phone service you will also be signed up for our new phone surveys that will be on Mondays - Saturdays, and Sundays. There will be 11 surveys a day. If you participate in these 1 hour surveys then when you make a call using our service, 10 cents will be deducted from your bill. (We do not keep records of who takes the surveys or not so you might not get the discount). If you act now and buy our new Cell Phone, you will be signed up automatically without your consent for our Triple Bronze Surprise Package Deluxe Premium Plan. This means you will get the amazing new Phone our great Phone Service and a pen that says "I Like Pants!" and a piece of gum that a celebrity once chewed and spit out. All this can be yours if......the price is correct! ......Come on..





Wydier XQ V2900 Phone- This new wave of technology will have everyone talking about the Wydier phone! Our new Wydier XQ V2900 is the most advanced cell phone on the market today. They are more advanced then a Floppy Disk and twice as fast. If your thinking how can a phone that was put together in 3 minutes be so good. Well its because we ripped off the ideas of all the other cell phone company's and put it on the market before they had a chance to patent it. If you heard about the cancer and the radiation poisoning people got from our phones their all lies. They had those problems before they used our phones. Yea OK so the court proved that if you use our phone you have a 99.9% more chance to get cancer or radiation poisoning. But with all our peer pressure why not use our phone and be cool. Our phones small, weightless shell will let you take it anywhere. Its only 4 feet tall and 3 feet wide! That's amazing, I could fit that in my front pocket. Since the phone was put together in 3 minutes it kind of falls apart when you pick it up, use it, look at it, think about it or think of thinking about it. But if you wont to return it after you purchase it you will only get back a 4th of what you paid for it. Warnings are: Don't use near other Wydier phones, don't get it wet, don't touch it, don't let dust touch it, don't be sick around it and don't let it touch anything that is hotter then 89 degrees and colder then 88.9 degrees. We are not responsible for any deformations or eating problems.
Price: $5
Shipping and Handling: $95




Workout System- This is a once in a lifetime deal, well not really. You can be marked down in history for using the new and safe Pants Workout. Since its been banned in the U.S. you have to order it from Russia where it is made from. Russia is the only place that will sell our great new workout! The U.S. said it was unsafe and said if we let anyone buy this amazing product we would go to jail.....because its price is soooo low. The only problem with having it here in the U.S. is that the fine for having this great Workout System is 5 years jail time. But if you did go to jail you would be the strongest person their. Let me tell you how it works. First take the bar out of the box. Next take out the steroids. Now take the 20 pound bar we gave you and go smash peoples cars with it after taking the super workout shots (the steroids). Make sure to work your abs by extending your whole body on the follow through's. I bet your saying "That's crazy.....how will I work my legs?" Well now after the cops are called you take off running in a jog at first then go into a full on sprint in a matter of seconds. After this you get the bar and take the other bar we gave you. Then you repeat the process but with two bars instead of one. Suggestions are try to hit Trucks, they are much tougher then cars and give you more of a workout. The bars are made from synthetic alloy steal-aluminum carbohydrate mix of titanium and mercury. Please note that we do not encourage the use of our super workout shots we just lay it on the table and turn our backs, its all up to you. But you know....you did pay for them so....you know.




BAIT Internet Service- We now offer our very own Internet Service. We call it B.A.I.T or:
Better
At
Interneting
Things
Our service is so fast it looks incredibly slow to the naked eye. Its 1 million times faster then the sound of light and 100 times faster then blinking. BAIT can load web pages so fast that your computer will not be able to keep up with BAIT. BAIT can load pages within 5.8 minutes. WOW, BAIT is so amazing! It can download big files as big as 1 megabyte in only 2 hours! Mind Blowing! You might hear that BAIT causes memory loss, viruses, unstable computer melt-downs, millions of useless files to be downloaded on your hard drive and seizures. These are all lies (only 2 not proven to be caused by our service). You can also upgrade to our new premium package including a pop-up blocker that only works 10% of the time. And the first of its kind a anti-virus sender. If someone sends you a virus and or a file that's not right your computer will automatically make a worse better virus that will be transmitted back to the sender and destroy his computer 1,000 times worse then his virus or file. Our service is only $3.99 per month for a 3rd of the first month you order it. After that its $150.99 per month and $2718.88 a year. Plus the costs of installation which is $89.99 per hour and the cost of the BAIT Anti-Virus Sender which is $139.99 plus tax.




Smiths Self-Erasing Paper- Ok folks this is the most advanced most powerful and smartest paper you will ever get a chance to write on! This is the one of a kind Self-Erasing Paper! Are you tired of using that stone-aged piece of rubber on the end of that pencil to erase your mistakes? Who uses that anymore besides cavemen. Its time for you to drop that two thousand year old product and step into the future with our new smart paper. If you think about it using rubber to erase your mistakes could take up to four hours or more to totally get rid of the mistake. Four hours! That's way to long to spend, especially when you need to write something and have it sent out real quick. I know what your thinking, if this paper is so good why haven't I heard about it? Well the answer is....because your stupid. We have thousands of TV Ads, Radio Ads, Internet Ads and some Ads in Playboy. So if you haven't heard of this paper by now your living in the past. There are some slight problems with the paper like if you let the paper touch air too long or the paper gets too much light it catches on fire. Then 3 seconds after you write on the paper what you wrote disappears and the gasses put off by the paper will kill you if you are within 5 feet of the paper for more than 5 seconds, and when it burns it will kill every one within a 3 mile radius depending on wind direction and allergens in the atmosphere.
Price: $80 (per sheet of paper)
Shipping and Handling: $12.95






Smoke Detector, Detector - Have you ever bought a bunch of Smoke Detectors only to forget where you set them up at? It happens to billions of Americans each and every day! I know that number sounds high and you probably think I made it up but do you really wont to waste your time searching the internet to find the real answer.....no you don't, so take my word on it. This little piece of technology is made from High Polymer Vinyl Glucose Alloy Crystallized Spectrum Synthetic Durable Polyethylene Vertebral Terephthalate Proxy. Which means its great looking, flammable and poisonous, what more could you wont? It works by constantly emitting a 90 decibel beeping sound if it detects a smoke detector in the area. It beeps and beeps 24/7 to let you know everything is fine because you have a smoke detector protecting you from a fire in the middle of the night. It takes a very special battery made in Bangladesh that will last a month and it tends to sometimes occasionally sorta leak excessive amounts of battery acid and explode, sending battery acid 50 feet in all directions.
Price: $4.67(per Detector) $350 (for special batteries used in Detectors)
Shipping and Handling: $1.99





SOHC- This is the best sohc you will ever come across, it does every thing all other sohc's do except 10000 times faster guaranteed. If you don't know what an sohc is you have been living under a rock and you don't deserve one anyway's. This particular sohc keeps you cold in the summer and hot in the winter ....somehow. This sohc is more advanced than the space shuttle and all the worlds super computers combined. Sohc also has a special memory feature that remembers your DNA and if someone else uses your sohc it will explode with enough force to level a entire state. Some say aliens came from outer space and invented this sohc because it is thousands of years ago of its time and their 100% correct! Aliens did come from space and open up the sohc company. Sohc is also non flammable but is known to cause people to drown in extremely shallow water so avoid using sohcs near sinks, pools, bath tubs, water puddles, rain, drinks and boats. Sohc also comes in 3 million different colors including Bellow, Rorange , Breen, Wlack , Bhite, Gurple and the most popular color Yeloraniturple.
Price: $100,000.99 (per Sohc)
Shipping and Handling: $2.37




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Camel Hump Launcher (CHL) - An rpg type thing that uses camel's humps as the rpg also good for using to shove up some one's butt it has a blade at then end and is indestructible unless farted on. One camels hump is more powerful then a standard military issued grenade, and their cheaper because all you have to do to reload is find a camel and cut its hump off and you have your ammo....so its like FREE! Once fired the camel hump is instinctively fitted with heat seeking capabilities and explodes with enough force to destroy a heavily armored tank and wipe out a medium sized army (if there are standing close together). The picture given is extremely violent, so any small children reading this should not click on the picture. It shows a person being shot with the CHL, this is an actual photo in real life. The waves coming from the gun are actually camel hairs which act like buckshot and can be very deadly if standing close to the gun. Which make it perfect for long distance targets and short ones. The CHL weighs 5.3 lbs and is *3 3/4 x 2 1/4*.
Base Price: $35,000
Shipping and Handling: $1,200